Celebrate my life

I was sitting in the kitchen last night, and I heard someone on the TV talking about what they want at their funeral, or what they want their funeral to look like. Even though it's an odd thought, it got me thinking about what I would want people to remember me as at MY funeral, but I decided that I would rather have a celebration of life. I would want people dressed in Easter colors, with yellows and blues and pinks, and I would want some good old country music. Happy and comfortable and bright. I would want dancing, and drinking. I would want people sharing embarrassing stories about me, like the time I killed the fake baby, or when I didn't make it to the bathroom in time at the movies and the seat was down. (That was AWKWARD btw). I would want to watch Aislynn staggering drunkenly up to the podium while I sit my little ghostly ass in the back, and watch her try to hold up her head, and laugh hysterically while sharing some of our stories about our trips to Belfast, or how we always slept when she came over. I want people to remember the better times, and I want no tears shed. Life is about living and being happy. Death is inevitable, so make the laughter last.

Becoming a Doula

After high school, I want to go to school for Early Childhood, and then I want to venture to California for schooling to become a Doula, which is someone who takes care of pregnant woman, or new mothers. I could teach them how to cradle, and swaddle, and breast feed their baby. I could either help them before the baby is born, and be their support team, and tell the hospital what the mother does and doesn't want. Some times I would help after the baby is born, and I would help do the laundry and change the baby's diapers, and just help the mother out. This job pays $200-$1000 depending on the distance of where the person lives, and how long I am there for. I want a job like this so that some day so that I can be independent and run it out of my home! I have always wanted a job that is on my time, and I feel as if this is very open  to different things, new people, new experiences, and new places! I have never been one to want to work in groups, and if I had the choice, I would rather workout to Zumba while watching Netflix, rather than get screwed up at some party. I am very straight forward, and have my future already set in my head, this is something that comforts me greatly. I can't wait to help little babies, and venture on my own!

The Eel

One day, Trevor and I decided to go down to my dads land on the four wheeler, and take a nice walk down through the small stream. We hop down off the bridge and we see this slippery long body sliding across the ground, yellow spots, grey eyes, and holds for gills. Trevor looks at me with a smile from cheek to cheek and starts chasing this long ass, terrifying eel. He grabs it between his knees and holds it up for me to look at. This Eel was about three feet long.

"Haylie, why is this down here? Have you seen these before" The eel wiggles free, and back down the stream. "Shit!" Trevor screams following it for a short distance.

"I don't know! That's frigging scary!" He puts his hands on his hips and looks at me with sly eyes.

"Lets go get another one!" So we wade on down the stream, and catch another tale within our sights. I scare the eel toward Trevor who then uses a bucket that we had brought with us, and throws the creature up inside, then decided we should go show my dad. I sit on the back of the four wheeler, bucket between my legs, while I stare in at the snake like things eyes, and twitching tales.

"Trevor, I don't like this."
"Your fine" He says as he hit a bump, and water splashed me, the eels body creeping closer with every small wave.
"I'm going to cry... I want to drive, take it!" He glared back at me.
"Fine."

Now Trevor is soaked, and my dad said that the eel came down stream from big rivers, and this type of eel does this every 4 to 5 years for breeding. It has rows and rows of teeth which latch onto fish and suck the blood out of them. Thank god it didn't bite me! And that is an actual picture of the inside of it's mouth.

Killing The Fake Baby

So the middle of this year, my HCTC class were assigned a fake baby. Now you would think someone in an early childhood class would be experienced with babies, especially a fake baby, and that they would know how to keep this small, plastic, human alive. Well... lets just say my luck was flushed.

When I was assigned this fake baby, I expected to be the perfect little parent. It would be fed and cradled and burped and loved, but when I took a 15 minute shower and walked back into Trevor's room, he is blasting music while the baby is screaming, and leaning the bottle against it's face using the couch as a crutch. WTF. After this, the child screamed for about an hour and a half, and I was just. about. over. it. The next day, I had to take my cute screaming child on a college trip where it cried when I ate, and when I talked, and walked, and when it was cold, and when it was hot. I handed this child over to Olyviah who was all about that life that I surely no longer was, and the bus ride back was quite a journey! (If the lesson to this was to never have children, then I surely learned it!)

During volleyball later this day, Olyviah went to the bathroom, and accidentally flushed the baby's sensor, the only thing to keep it from screaming, down the school toilet. Lets just say that it ended the friendship for about five months. The next day driving to school, I cried my eyes out, hearing this innocent plastic baby asking for food with it's expressionless face. Once in the school parking lot, I covered the baby in coats, and blankets, even it's diaper bag. (This looked VERY bad from anyone viewing this incident). I locked the doors to my car and had to tell the office that there was a fake crying baby in my passenger seat, and to have them not have the police come get me.

Well... It was just about time for HCTC, and Gage called me to the office, and him and Aislynn confirmed (apparently!) that Mrs. Pangburn wanted us to snap this baby's neck so that it would die... and stop crying. So Gage sits in the parking lot snapping it's neck while Aislynn video tapes this horrific sight, and people watch us from the school windows.

Long story short, the baby doesn't actually die, and Mrs. Pangburn never told us to kill it! So I failed my assignment, but at least I have a funny story to share at a party someday.

I don't want to just live

I am afraid of the REST of my life. I am afraid of sitting in cold ass Maine, never experiencing life and seeing all of the beautiful and extraordinary places! Everyone is concerned with college, and don't get me wrong, it's a very important part of my agenda, but when I look at the rest of my life, I don't just see a career, I see my future. I see the open road, and sunny skies, and wind in my hair. My life in meant for adventure, my life is meant for growing and shifting and living. I want to enjoy long car rides with the love of my life on a back road I never knew existed. I want to live this life with one feeling. The feeling of freedom.

After my first 2 years of school at EMCC, I really want to go to California, I was actually going to this year but the one thing holding me back was Trevor... And coming so far with him in the years we have been together is hard to just let go of. I have went through most of my high school career with him, hard times, bad time, good times and sad times, But when I see the rest of my life ahead of me? The risk is worth taking, and if he decides to come, he is more than welcome. I want to experience warm beaches, and late nights with crowds of people, and all of the organic food I could eat! I don't want to be average, and follow along the people around me, living in the same house for 20 years, I would rather be broke and see everything, than sit in small Bucksport Maine and see nothing. The world is my oyster.

So after EMCC, I am planning to take schooling to become either a doula, or a child nutritionist. I will be taking the classes in college, which college? I don't know yet! Some where exciting, full of life, and new, But where that is, is just part of the journey!

Turning 18

Today, while I sit in my bed with a miserable sinus headache, I look back on the last short 18 years of my life. A lot of time has passed, and I never thought I would make it to this moment. I remember crushing frogs in the pond out back by trying to throw the largest rock I could find, and then tossing it on them, (though a sassy toddler in Elmo diapers can't throw with much force, or do much damage at that.) I had the world at my fingertips. At this point in time I believed that the Chucky Doll under my bed would never go away, or that my siblings would never move out, or that I would ever be turning 18. I look back to when my mom was my whole world, and my best friends would always be my best friends, and that the only boys who gave me kisses were my dad, my brother, and our dogs. I will never forget the nights with my head resting on dad's belly, or falling asleep on the couch and waking up in moms bed, or trying to keep my eyes pried open all night for Santa. I thank God for the life he has given me, and the ability to appreciate it with all of my heart. Thank you to my family, and the people in my church, the next door neighbors, and Debbie and Jody down the street. You all loved me, and raised me, and watched out for me...

and today I turn 18.